Sex hurts? Try a tool for relief
So you’ve been told that you need to use vaginal dilators because you have pain with sex, or maybe the thought of a speculum sends your mind down a black hole of torment in the days leading up to your GYN appointment, or maybe wearing a tampon leaves you feeling defeated and depressed. Maybe I exaggerated a little bit, but for some, this is their reality. First of all, it’s fantastic that whoever suggested the dilators is even aware that something can be done to help. And second, heck yes to dilators! But before you dish out the cash to make your purchase, there’s a few things to consider.
Plastic vs. silicone: Hard plastic dilators will give you more stretch and many come with handles for easy holding and manipulating. You can even throw them in the fridge or freezer to add a cooling sensation, which some find to provide immense relief. Not that they are uncomfortable, but they are not as comfortable as silicone dilators, which have a more natural, skin-like feel. Silicone is more flexible and has more give than hard plastic, which some find to be more tolerable while others find they need more sturdiness. It’s not that it’s putty, but some need something harder to reach certain areas with appropriate pressure
Price: Higher quality silicone dilators will cost more while plastic, are generally cheaper. Some kits are also more expensive based on how may size options are available. There’s something for every budget and need as it is even possible to purchase individual dilators al la carte.
Size options: Some kits have small sized kit options, while others have more medium sized options, larger options, or some combination of all the above. What to purchase will depend on your need. A good rule of thumb is to start as small as your level of discomfort, such as the size of a finger or tampon if that’s your issue, and end with the size of the largest object that will penetrate you, such as your partner’s penis, or speculum. Some kits have significant differences between sizes while others have smaller increments of change between sizes. If you’re a bit more sensitive, check out options that have smaller incremental sizes versus larger incremental size differences. You may end up with more dilators to work through, but that’s ok.
Handles: Some kits come with handles which can make it easier for those who have limited dexterity. It lessens how much reaching you’ll have to do, which can also help to relax your body even more.
Wand vs. dilator: I’m throwing a curve ball at you with this one since you probably weren’t even aware that a wand is a thing. While a dilator helps to tolerate stretch and penetration, the wand is used for trigger point or point specific relief. If you have limited to no trouble with penetration but there’s a specific internal area that makes you want to hit the ceiling when touched, then a wand may be a better option for you as it’s curved shape allows you to maneuver better to reach an area off to one side or another and/or deeper. A linear dilator will not be able to reach those deeper areas or tender points off to one side.
Whatever you decide, make sure you discuss your options with a pelvic floor physical therapist. We can help you determine the best *option (click there or *here to see some of my favorites) for you. And from my experience, those who see a PT prior to starting at-home wand therapy, progress through the various sizes faster with little to no pain. That’s the goal right? This is because your PT can guide you through how to use your tool(s), address sensations that are normal or not normal, and teach you how to reduce the pain or discomfort during the process.
*Affiliate link: I receive a small compensation which is used to purchase more supplies.